My horses, Molly and Durango, are the most amazing creatures. The love we have for each other is incredible. I was feeling pretty terrible earlier but now I'm feeling better. Being around them is healing and calming. I feel like we're connected on some deeper level than you can connect with other humans... it's spectacular. I cannot wait to have this outside my house on a daily basis.
My husband went to Europe on Sunday and of course our children all came down with a bad cold so they were unable to attend their charter this week. I did, however, email their teacher and get their Spanish words and phrases to practice so they would be prepared when they go back next week. Other than that, because they're sick, they've been sleeping in each morning. It's after 8 for the second day and all are still asleep, or are just waking up (I literally heard the first noise from downstairs a moment ago).
I'm feeling overwhelmed in the lonely. I know that sounds funny but when my husband leaves, he takes away my adult world. I don't have talk to my siblings often enough, mostly due to the fact that I was not raised with them and, in fact, my baby sister didn't even know I existed until she was 15 years old. I am 11 years older than her and she had no idea I existed for years but I knew about her from the moment she was born. I don't have parents. The only parent I ever had died almost a decade ago (next month). He was the only person who loved me the way a parent is supposed to love their child. My mother was an abusive alcoholic junkie and I was told by the police I am never allowed to see or talk to her again, freeing me from the turmoil that was being her daughter. My biological father didn't even tell my sister I existed so that's how close we are.
And I miss my friends... all of them. From all around the world. I miss the connection I had to people in other places, people who didn't consider me an outsider because they were outsiders too... I miss that connection... that love. My friends were and are so very important to me, but I haven't really made a new one in my time here so far. Too busy being a parent to my kids and then... no one wants to befriend someone moving an hour and a half away from them. I'm tired of trying to make friends. So many false faces out there, it's hard to know who to trust and I have a bad habit of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt...
And before someone is like "whatever, girl has everything," don't get me wrong. I'm complaining, yes, but I also recognize that my life could be worse. It's just a bit lonely and difficult at the moment.
Closing for the dream house has been pushed back until September 19th now, which puts it at about a week before hubs comes home. It works out alright but I have to admit, the stress isn't fun. I just want to get it over with so we can get this move over with so I can start our "real" life.
I am also in a bit of a funk due to lack of book sales. It seems my book has had no interest in a week and as it's only six weeks old, it's not a promising sign.
Other than that, I don't know... I hope to get some more writing done. The BETA readers have the first chapter and I have a self-imposed deadline on Friday to meet, plus the Farrier (the horse hoof trimmer) comes tomorrow).
Anyways, that's all for now. Hope you all have a good Tuesday. Lots of love.
It's been a busy few days, which is the new normal, I suppose. My children seem completely oblivious to the amount of stress I'm under and honestly, that's the worst part of all of this: trying to remain even keeled in my parenting and my approach to life for their sakes. I, of course, wish they realized their fighting is making things worse, but, alas, they're kids and brothers and sisters fight like kids do.
Things are on track for the house and I was relieved to learn I do not need a building permit for my horse's shelter. I am really anxious about all of it though because money will be super tight until next spring. I am just hoping we make it through without too much turmoil, since it is the biggest life change I'll ever make... living somewhere forever.
I've never moved somewhere with the intention of never leaving before. I've always considered everywhere temporary. "Who cares if they don't like me? I'm leaving in a year..." is a thought I've had more than once and in more than one state/province/country. This is different. Every first impression is important and scary. I know they won't all like me, they won't all want to include me but I will be honest and say that I am really afraid of the judgement from the civilian American world because most have never left their state, let alone country and I am this outsider. I've always been an outsider. I want to belong. Is that so shameful to say? I just want to have what it seems everyone else has had: a community, a family, a home. I want my kids to have that too.
In the latest writing news, I am excited to say that my first author interview dropped yesterday (which I regret not posting about but to be honest, I forgot in the hubbub of my current chaos). Check it out here.
Other than that, just watching Keanu Reeves in John Wick for the first time and honestly, I get the appeal. He's badass in this series. I had to skip over the dog killing scene but the rest of the premise I dig.
Well, lots of love.
However, I finished writing the first draft of the first chapter and I have to say, I'm really diggin' the premise. It'll be really fun to write Descend and I'm really looking forward to writing the rest of the first draft at the new house. The mountains will definitely inspire the impressive Kingdom of Hell and the Shadow Realm... It's already been fun to describe my version of this extraordinary place.
Other that that, back at the homeschool routine while I pack up our house. I've packed away most of my clothes and most of the younger two's. The Dynamic Duo are having a hard time with the concept of moving again but ... okay... so...
Our neighbors across the street are pretty awful parents to their three boys and also refuse to let their kids play with mine, despite the fact they literally slept til the mid-afternoon last Saturday and the kids got along fine in front of the houses for 3-4 hours. I even gave them snacks and water because they were hungry and afraid to go in their house. Once the parents woke, I heard the mother screaming at the boys and their cries. I don't know what I should do, because I know they broke her rules but I also am highly suspicious of someone like that, as an abused kid myself. (If you have any advice, feel free to comment because right now I'm going to call CPS once we move so I can avoid any possible confrontations and also make sure those boys are fine. As of right now I see them every day and they seem okay, but they clearly want to play with my kids. So yea, advice would be great.)
Update on my Dream house (which if you follow me on twitter, you've seen photos of), the closing has been pushed back to the 17th and we're expecting them to pull some last minute shady shit that will force us to push it back further, but that kind of works out well for me. I am super excited about getting the house but also super stressed about having to sign for it while my husband is in another country.
Anyways, I am so tired and stressed out so it's causing me to be in a bit of a mental-funk but I will endure because I always do. Just wish the psychiatric professional I had entrusted to continue my established care had actually done so rather than assume she knew best after I have spent 26 years in therapy on-and-off (I'll eventually write a fictional story based on my life but I'm pretty sure it'll be a while before I get there).
Alrighty... well, hope you all have a great Wednesday! Lots of Love!
I cannot remember if I mentioned that I recently spilled coffee all over my MacBook Air, my brain baby-maker, but sadly, the Apple Store technicians were not able to fix my computer child. Instead, I was forced (I say this, while happily typing away) to upgrade to a MacBook Pro, one of the basic models but still, very nice.
It feels good to finally write wherever I feel like being... standing, sitting, laying down. I don't do well with a desktop and if I'm going to write Descend by Spring, I'm going to have to get cracking, so thankfully, my husband, being who he is, stepped up and paid for my new laptop. Thank you, Captain America... I'm going to miss you when you ditch me for Germany!
Other than that, it's been a really productive few days. Picked up horse feed for Molly and Durango on Thursday so I was able to pop by on Friday and today to feed them grains and pay boarding. We also went on an impromptu ice cream date last night before picking up most of the groceries we needed at Walmart. Yes, my life is so exciting.
Oh, we did go see the house yesterday and were happy that our new phone company does work there, so once we have wifi, we'll be set.
Strange how slow and quickly this all seems to be happening... our lives will be different by the time my brother and sisters visit for my birthday in November... We will finally have our forever home.
Anyways, that's all for now. Lots of love and hope to make progress on Descend soon. Lots of love!!
Before I get to the BETA request, I'm thrilled to say that Ascend has sold in the US, Canada, the UK and Australia! It's getting out there!!! Very happy about that!
Now, do you want to be part of my BETA group? If so, please email firstname.lastname@example.org with your previous BETA reading experience OR why you'd make a great BETA reader. Also, it helps if you've read my debut as this is the sequel so please note that if you have! Bonus points for leaving a Goodreads review and including the link.
I'll be selecting my BETA readers by October, so please get your "application" in by September 30. Thank you for your time!!!
I'm so sorry I've been so busy, I really haven't had a chance to write much. We are closing on the house in Cripple Creek and I am so excited, but it's been a difficult process. It's been stressful and slightly overwhelming... Let's just say I will so relieved when we're finally done with buying a house. At least it's a dream home. Otherwise this wouldn't be worth it. Especially with needing a survey of the property (which is four different plots of land combined together) to plan the fencing for my horses. It's been a hassle and a half.
Speaking of my horses, I am happy to say that Durango and Molly are doing very well. In addition to doing Liberty Work with both, I decided to saddle up Durango and see if he trusts me enough to let me ride him and he did! It was just a short 20 minute jaunt but we are building our relationship and I want him to want me on his back. He did great, didn't try to buck and listened to my commands. Molly followed us, which made him a bit nervous as she wasn't saddled or haltered but he eventually calmed down enough for us to circle the 14 acres and ride back to the shed where I store my saddle and tack. Molly is doing really well. Despite what a jerk of a farrier said, she is the most gentle, sweet horse and nothing will change my mind.
Other than that, the kids had their second day of school with the Spanish Immersion Charter program and they had a better time. It's an adjustment but I think it will be worthwhile for them to experience this educational opportunity. It will also help maintain regularity over the moving process. They're also making friends here, which is great since it's been a struggle to get them social around here. I can't wait to get settled because I already found a family up there with kids close in age for us to hang out with. They also homeschool so I'm hoping they'll know other families as well. That's how you build community: one family joining another joining another.
I did get invited to do an author interview last week, which is exciting and I'll be sure to post the link when I've got it. It was my first author interview and I hope I sound like... well, not this. I'm not great at the blogging thing but I did want to update you all about Descend. I have written about 10k words so far (which is great for a new project). I'm looking forward to meeting Madoc's Special Friend soon. He's my ultimate favourite character, which is funny because he wasn't even in my head when I began writing "The Children of Lilith Series" this year.
Among other things, I did host a Giveaway and a fellow writer named Betty won! I sent her a free signed copy of Ascend. I'm also doing an Ebook Giveaway, so check my Twitter for the deets.
Other than that, just continuing to live my life as best I can and hope that it all works out. Much love.
As those who have followed my journey for a while know, I homeschool my kids. However, I've always enrolled them in programs to keep them social. In Hawaii, we used the Kroc Center and in California, a charter helped us pay for two Learning Centers and Martial Arts. However, here in Colorado, they have different options so today, my Dynamic Duo (the older two) are attending a Charter School in Colorado Springs that will allow them to learn Spanish through immersion. I am hoping they have a fun day as it's once a week for the duration of the school year and we plan to keep them there after we move to the mountains as hubs has to go through town to get to work (once we officially buy the house in Cripple Creek in early September and move out there officially before November).
It's all very exciting but it begs the question: How to I keep my 4yo and 16 month-old entertained for the whole day? I'll keep you posted.
Hope you all have a great week!
Dear Writing Community,
I would LOVE to cross-promote any indie author that would cross-promote my book in return. I will help you and you help me by promoting each other to our followers and even purchasing a copy of each other's book, whether it be ebook or paperback or hardcover.
I just want to help other indie writers who are trying their best to make writing a vocation. It's more than just a hobby and it's not quite a job for me (as I have four kids and don't rely on this to earn my income, but rather a dream that one day, my book and the series itself, will be loved by just enough people to make the investment into indie publishing all the more worthwhile).
I want to be a successful author but I believe each of us needs a little help in this day and age... so anyone that would like to PROMOTE each other, please email me at email@example.com and we will begin a dialogue. Thanks for your interest and good luck to you in your publishing endeavors!!!
Even if you don't like my novel, leaving a review will help attract other readers to a book they may enjoy, even if you didn't. At the very least, it helps to see that it's been read by others and people can make their own choices. Some people, like me, read the bad reviews to look for actual criticisms to learn from them, so please, don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. I'm an artist. My feelings are always hurt... but in all seriousness, reviews mean people are talking about the book and that's the hardest obstacle to overcome: abscurity. Being an indie author comes with a lot more expenses and work. You are your own marketing squad. You are the only one that will push your book with the same enthusiasm... until other people start to fall in love... and then it becomes its own entity... a life of its own.
And for an author, the dream is for your book to become other people's book: the book they turn to for comfort or familiar characters... the book they reread countless times until they need another copy because the first fell apart. We all have books like that, at least, we bookworms all have books like that.
My dream is for my book to become someone's ratty, torn, barely held together edition. Something that was clearly loved and appreciated.
Lots of love.